I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
