Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
