Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
