My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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