There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
