Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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