whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
