just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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