If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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