I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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