Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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