I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
