I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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