Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
