plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
