Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
