It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
