Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
