my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you win again, gameday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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