Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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