People in love make me want to vomit
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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