That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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