I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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