My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
