I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
