I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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