I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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