he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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