So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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