haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
