I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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