How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Bring me that man meat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
