I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
