he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am one with the molecules
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
