She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
