Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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