i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Small penises have feelings too.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
