i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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