I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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