We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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