Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize