New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i dont even know how to be here
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
