fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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