I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There r osticjed everywhere
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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