look no pants
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
