Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i've created a new STD.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
