in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
