Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
