the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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