He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
