Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
