I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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