hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
