I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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