Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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