remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
