This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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