this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
