Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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