mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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