It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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