he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
