so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
