Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
