I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
