A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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