I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
