yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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