Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
