she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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