I think i sorta joined a cult last night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
