apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
