four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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