I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
