i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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