awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
